Jan 2008

Im really down this week..i dont know why but im constantly on the brink of tears..Guess its my depression and anxiety letting me know its still there.
I have so many worries at the moment..Maybe some are silly to others but very real to me and very difficult to share with anyone at the moment.
So if im not my usual prozac induced happy self i do apologise..
Now on to my blog..well we all managed to survive christmas..kids had the bug and then we did too..did wonders for the waistline while it lasted..lol..
New year was just like anyother..i hate new year..auld lang whatever..i used to love new year before i had kids as i would meet up with people i hadnt seen as they had moved away but always came back to town to celebrate with their families. The one person i looked for i couldnt find and then a couple of months ago i did thanks to friends reunited.I didnt want the pally pally we had i just wanted to know he was ok.And before it even crosses your mind no he wasnt a Boyfriend.We just a had quite a few things in common and i thought we would be friends forever.He was the first person i let get close to me emotionally..how does the song go..id die a thousand times for you ( tenderness is a weakness) and i would defend him when anyone slagged him off for years after. I doubt he ever knew as he moved away to start his life somewhere he could be himself. I always said id be there whenever he needed me and i meant it but you know he never came.He had it in his head that i had outed him and i didnt.I truely hand on my heart can say that.

I have found someone i want to spend the rest of my life with but my insecurity and suspicious instinct just wont go away..its like hes waiting for someone else...someone he wants to be with more than me..so i keep my distance , build up my little walls and drift thru life never knowing where i will be in the future and not looking too far ahead.